Negativity: How to Fight it and Enjoy a Full Creative Life

“Any time you engage in negativity, you feed Hate and starve Create. Every time you make something and ignore negativity, you become a better creator and you starve Hate.” Dan Norris, Hate or Create

I struggle with negativity, I think I have been a naturally negative person most of my life (even when I was a kid, my family would call me Eeyore). My negativity is so visceral that it feels like part of me: I do the exact opposite of what Dale Carnegie says in How to Win Friends and Influence People: I criticize, condemn, and complain about most things.

Part of this is true for all humans, negativity and pessimism were survival techniques when our ancestors dealt with situations that could mean life-or-death but, similar to a lot of stress responsible, those types of decisions are out of date with our current society. The end result is a population that can be overly pessimistic and cautious to opportunities that may have any risk or fallacy at all, which will affect progress. Moreover, it kills our creativity makes us people we don’t want to be.

Since negativity has such a bad result for ourselves and our society, then why is negativity still rampant? Because negativity is bizarre in that it feels really good to feel bad. negativity is a drug,as is its cousin drama and, like a drug, the negative responses build upon themselves to a point where so much negativity is in our lives that it is seemingly a personality trait.

I have previously interacted with many people that were constant complainers, the people who looked like the dark cloud was over their head. I have been one of those people, and I can tell you it feels really good to bring all your external tension and criticism, it gives you a warped sense of power and relief and poisons your changes for success and resilience that comes with adversity. However, it also is a short-term satisfaction since very little comes from negativity (that isn't to say you shouldn’t give feedback… feedback, when coming from a place of empathy to make something better, does not fall in this category.)

It is hard to remember when we are being negative that one of the victims of our negativity is us, negative people are jerks and bores that no one wants to be or be around… which ultimately leads to a life of isolation.

The following five points will help you move away from negativity.

Practice mindfulness meditation

As an on-again-off-again mindfulness junkie, I can tell you that a lot of hype is placed on practicing meditation (mindfulness in general). So much has been placed on meditation that it seems like a panacea, however, there is something to be said about distancing yourself from your thoughts and emotions. As mentioned above, negativity builds upon itself, so realizing this early can keep the snowball effect from occuring.

I highly suggest that you look into guided meditations specifically focusing on negativity. Also, read “10% Happier” and “Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics” by Dan Harris which dispel many of the myths surrounding meditation, replacing them with practical advice about the benefits and process of meditation.

Do not surround yourself with negative people

Negativity is contagious. Also, just like the time passes when you socialize, you may not realize the ramping up of negativity. This is even more underscored since complaining is a bonding technique for most groups. The answer is, if you can help it, don’t find yourself in those groups; strive to find creative and positive people. Sometimes we cannot help to interact with these people; unfortunately, this means that even more effort must be placed in this activity but it does not mean that it cannot be done.

Break the negative pattern

Sometimes a quick change in the mental pattern, a “jolt”, is enough to move on. This can be done by getting up quickly and going for a walk, another help with a jolt is an activity that relies on pattern breaking and lightening a situation, comedy: when you find yourself in a negative pattern, open up a meme or listen/watch a stand up comedy routine (but be careful because certain standup comedians make complaints part of their act, which could augment the problem). Finally, change the negative pattern for another beneficial pattern, if you have the ability, when you start complaining go exercise or listen to a song that is bound to get stuck in your head.

Use the girl/boy-friend test

People always talk about the best friend self talk test, i.e. would your best friend talk to you or let someone else talk about you the way that you talk about yourself? However, when it comes to negativity, a better test is the “girl/boyfriend test”, if you were this type and level of negative to the girl/boy of your dreams, how long do you think they would stay around? Well, that negative energy you are directing toward that person, place, or thing doesn’t deserve that crap…no one and nothing deserves that except pure evil.

5:1 ratio of positivity-to-negativity

While ideally no negativity would be great, negativity is sometimes avoidable. The “magic ratio” for positivity to negativity in relationships is 5:1, this should be applied to our everyday lives as well. This can be in both quantity as well has intensity, the key is to drown the negativity with good vibes of positivity so that,while part of your life, it does not take ahold of you and become your everything.

Avoid Pollyanna, Embrace the Stockdale Paradox

A lot of people who are negative say that they find positive people not “real” looking at them as doe eyed pollyanna types that do not live in reality. Like the true schadenfreude people we are, we wait for the day that adversity to strike these people, then we let forth a deluge of negativity and “i knew this was going to happen” vibes. Put this type of positivity is not what the reformed negative person should strive for. What should be on a person's mind is to embrace the toughness and realism of the moment, yet still anticipate an optimistic outcome as, pragmatically, this most beneficial outlook to have and will allow one to have resilience in the face of adversity and look for opportunities (similar to the Stockdale Paradox).

Do everyone, and especially yourself, a favor… don’t be a negative, don't be an Eeyore.

Works Cited

Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People: a Condensation from the Book. Snowball Pub., 2010.

Harris, Dan. 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works{u2014}a True Story. It Books, 2014.

Harris, Dan. Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics: a 10% Happier How-to Book. Spiegel & Grau, 2018.

Norris, Dan. Create or Hate: Successful People Make Things. Dan Norris, 2016.

“Our Brain's Negative Bias.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias.